What is divorce mediation?

A mediator can provide legal information but it is not the role of the mediator to give legal advice. This is why it is important to hire an attorney to consult with during the mediation process. Although not mandatory, hiring an attorney is strongly recommended for all those taking part in divorce mediation. If consulting with an attorney, you should speak with the attorney before the mediation process begins. An attorney is also useful to review your agreement and other legal documents before signing. The mediator is a neutral third party focusing on the outcome being detailed and thought out. An individual attorney will look at the legal documents from your individual perspective and give you legal advice specific to your situation.   

Once your negotiations are complete your mediator will need to put your paperwork into writing. The final paperwork submitted to the courts needs to be a Separation Agreement written by an attorney. Since only half of mediators are attorneys, a non-attorney mediator will need to type up a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) which then an attorney will scribe the MOU into a Separation Agreement. The MOU is not a legally binding document but it is  a formal document containing the decisions made by the parties and both parties will sign the document.  Once parties have signed a Separation Agreement, they are legally separated and at any point the Separation Agreement can be filed by either party for their divorce. 

There are a great deal of many things at the heart of mediation. There is informed consent, making sure parties are aware as can be before making a decision. There is non judgement, your mediator is there to listen and weed through your issues to help you reach a resolution, not to place judgment. Mediation honors empowerment. The parties are there to make a decision about their future and the division of their past. The mediator has no stake in the outcome and the parties have all the power to make the decisions of their divorce. Mediation values a balanced process. Your mediator is there to ask the right questions and to help level the playing field when it comes to knowledge, from knowledge about divorce, to finances and everything in between. The divorce mediation process understands that you and your partner are unique and deserve a unique Separation Agreement. There is no one  better person to define the details of your divorce than the two of you. 

Divorce is one of the most difficult events in a person's life. Even if you are the one who wants the divorce, the process is never easy. They say that the stages of mourning a divorce are similar to that of the mourning stages after the death of a loved one. The roller coaster of emotions, waves of grief and then anger, will take its toll. Managing your stress is very important during this time. Whether it be to not drown as a newly single parent or to make sure you do not lose your job, figuring out how to release your stress in a healthy way is vital. There is always yoga, meditation and getting outdoors. You could pick up an instrument, a pen or a paintbrush, but don't forget to think of those times before marriage or during marriage when you felt at peace.  Maybe it was on a hike or when traveling. You might have stopped fly fishing or sailing once married. Find those peaceful moments once again and do those things that bring you joy.  Also, never underestimate the power of therapy, counseling or opening up to a trusted confidant. 

Knowing when it is time to divorce is different for everyone and often one person in the marriage feels they are ready before the other. When there is emotional or physical abuse, knowing when to divorce can be a little more clear, but even then it is a very difficult decision to make. A marriage counselor and therapist can be helpful professionals to work with when trying to determine if you are ready to dissolve your marriage. Many feel an affair in a marriage means it is time to divorce, others are willing to work through the broken trust to rebuild their relationship. Just like each love story is unique, so is each divorce and just like how somehow you knew you wanted to get married to a particular person, somehow you will just know when it is time to divorce. That being said, many couples or individuals think it is time to divorce and then either begin the divorce process or even divorce and then change their minds. This is nothing to be ashamed of. We are all just doing the best we can in this crazy thing called life.